15. Around Me

051908_3170, originally uploaded by steve_kurth.

Yeah, so. I bought a little boat a couple days ago. I spend too much time indoors and when I bought it I was thinking, it will be good to get out and interact with my surrounders more.

Careful what you wish for.

I can't tell what anyone is really thinking. Who knows. I get vibes and I trust them, but goddamn. I'm pretty harmless, but I am forgetful and I can be distant. If I have pissed them off I'm sorry, but gawd, I hate this oblique shit.

I'm not guessing or thinking anymore. Fuck it.

14. Lately

051508_3112, originally uploaded by steve_kurth.

The first part of this week was a tough one. Just emotionally exhausting. But gradually I've been coming out of it.

I sometimes carry my camera into work. Lately I've been actually getting it out and taking snaps here and there. Some of them got nice notice and I like that they feel completely alien to me. The photos look like nothing I've done and thats comfortable. I like it when things are neat and comfortable but nothing seems too familiar. Like in hotels.

Lately I've been too familiar so I'm trying to get out of that. I bought a boat, too. Nothing big, but I hope to see some new things from it.

And then the same sky and the same copse of trees.

13. Say What?

Time: 7:45pm

Location: Salisbury

Mood: Restless

My ex keeps contacting me. I guess she has selective memory because I've made it clear that I don't want to see or hear from her. Apparently she's in town. Somehow she knows where I live now, too. She came by uninvited last year. I wasn't there. I'm heading out soon to visit my Moms for Mother's Day, but last night I wasted some thought being concerned she'd stop by again. I felt foolish for worrying and mad at her for not respecting my wishes and just leaving me alone.

12. Halloween

050808_2890, originally uploaded by steve_kurth.

Time: 7:30pm
Location: Salisbury
Mood: Tired but hopeful

I like the swoopy splash lines of the clouds here. I'm tired of a lot of crap and glad its the weekend. I need a soul recharge. I'm going to see my folks this weekend. I haven't been in a long time. I see them, of course, but I haven't even been to Portland since moving here. Bangor is always a weird deja-vu. The part of the drive above Augusta is like the period of sleeplessness that first time parent talk about. A numbing sensory trial that changes your brain and makes you too tired to rebel against what's next. You just sort of settle in and accept it. It;s like piercing the veil of some other world. Maybe thats dramatic. It's just Bangor. It's just your childhood. Ugh.